please s t a y in my past
by KeyLimePie14
Summary: One-shot. "...and i'll be your one regret, if you'll stay in my past." Sam-centric.


**WARNING: This story is very depressing and contains elements of suicide. **

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><p><strong>"please s t a y in my p.a.s.t"<strong>

**FanFic by: KeyLimePie14**

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><p>Truly, she's glad he never fell in love with her. At least that's what she will tell you if you asked her. She will tell you that she's happy they didn't end up together. He's a nub anyway. It was just a teenage crush, never meant to blossom into anything larger than that.<p>

She laughs and smiles just as any other person, trying to enjoy her life as much as possible. She never really has much luck with boyfriends, however, as they were never good enough for her; though deep down she knows that she was always looking for reasons to say goodbye. She just couldn't be herself around them. She was saving them the heartache of falling in love with someone who didn't really exist.

After high school, they stayed in touch. College couldn't kill the friendship they'd built over the years- even if they did bicker just as much as they always had. It was more like a game to them now, one that they couldn't- and didn't want- to stop playing. When she was playing, it distracted her from her true feelings for him.

She doesn't see him as much as she would like, but she tells herself that it's probably for the best. Maybe the distance could help her blotch her feelings out and pretend like they had never existed. At least that's what she tries to do each night when she brings a different boy home. But of course, those are always just one night stands; she never gives them the chance for there to be more. She never wants there to be more. She won't tell you this, but all she wants is for there to be more with the one who has always had her heart.

Her feelings don't kick her in the ass until one day in May; she will tell you that she doesn't remember the exact date, but she does (_May 9)_. She stares at the envelope for hours, already knowing what it contains. He told her about it on the phone, his voice sounding happier than she'd heard it in a long while. So she laughed along with him and wished him the best. But now it was real. The white envelope on the table in front of her mocks her. She sits with her arms crossed and frowns at it. She knows that on the inside there will be a picture, of a perfect man and woman, embracing one another and smiling. She also knows that she can't open it. Not today.

Two weeks later she's sitting in the same position, staring at the same damn envelope. She doesn't really need to open it to know what it says. She's already been hearing about all the details for weeks. Technically, she could just throw the fucking thing away. But for some reason she can't bring herself to do it. It makes her feel sick just thinking about it. It's as if she'll be throwing away a piece of her broken heart as well. She can't bear to throw it away; she won't tell you, but deep down she still has hope that he will come and mend her battered heart.

The closer the day comes, the lower she gets. Her best friend tries her hardest to distract her from the goings on of the wedding. The brunette really feels for her friend, holding her when she needs a shoulder to cry on, laughing with her when she needs a break from the deep, dark depths of her mind.

But even Carly can't stop the girl from spiraling into depression. The week before the big day, she falls even harder when she picks up the phone, not once glancing at the caller ID, and hears his voice, his stupid fucking voice. He's sincere in asking her to come to his wedding, his personal invitation, he says. A lump forms in her throat as she makes up a half-hearted excuse as to why she won't be able to attend. She won't tell you, but she likes to imagine that she heard disappointment in his voice as he said he understood and promised he'd call soon.

That was the last she's heard from him for months. She doesn't say she blames him really, he has other priorities now. She knows that he can't be there to talk to her, to make her laugh, as much as he used to. Now he has _her _to entertain. She's more important, she knows. But she can't help the way it makes her sob into her pillow every night until she falls into a restless sleep.

Eventually she is too far in, settling herself in a crevice, one so low that nobody can rescue her. Carly was afraid she had seen what was coming the day her friend told her she'd rather be dead. She didn't believe her, as her best friend had always been much too strong to let a boy destroy her.

In one of her last days, he calls her. She doesn't want to answer, but by then she is feeling so alone that she just needs to hear his voice one last time. He sounds so happy that she can't help but try to talk with him for a while. He tells her that he's going to be a father. She doesn't even try to hide her anger. Instead she allows it to bubble out of her, years of pent up emotions spill from her lips. He tells her she needs to get over it, that he's happy with his life. He is afraid that she's going to mess everything up.

His words echo in her head. They jumble her thoughts, making her completely incompetent of doing anything but to stare at the wall, her bottom lip trembling as she cries. She never stops crying. Until the very last day, that is. Then she lets go of all feeling, she frees herself of all thoughts. She sees hope.

She doesn't bother to say goodbye to anyone. She's far too gone to be that rational. Instead she picks up the phone and dials his number one last time. She doesn't hear him breathe an apology through the phone. He barely even hears his own words over her last final scream. He shouts her name over and over, both out of confusion and slight realization. She whispers her first, and last, words in months. Words that will forever resonate in his mind, haunting him no matter how hard he tries to forget, "You could have stopped this."

She won't tell you (she can't tell you), but really, she was never happy that he didn't fall in love with her.

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><p><strong>~The CABAL~<strong>

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